It’s been a while since my last post, yikes. But the party hasn't ended. I haven't been active on here but I've continued to make art, collaborate with other creatives, and still doing paid work along the way.
My absence has been due to me. For almost a year now I have been learning and unlearning what has caused me to halt my creative process. To be quite frank for the past year or so since early 2018. I fell into what I call my "little hole" aka my depression. I wasn't sure how to address these feelings of insecurity and fear that ultimately led me to procrastinate.
Feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. I decided to take a break, for the span of three months I stopped being active on Instagram. Posting here and there but not really giving it the amount of importance I had once placed on this app. I came to the realization that Instagram, my involvement with posting, organizing meetups, and being an influencer had affected me.
I wasn't happy with my work and had fallen into a pattern where I was continuously chasing my next "big thing" working on projects, social media campaigns, and facilitating community through meetups with IgAustintexas and Latinx Creatives Meetups, but it wasn't enough. As one thing would conclude I didn't feel satisfied. What once had brought me a lot of joy began to creep up on me in the form of anxiety and soon enough I started to halt a lot of my actions. It wasn't just holding back from taking opportunities but everyday things like going out, for example, became daunting thoughts. My day job had become a bore and I had lost interest. So, I felt really low. Thinking I could fix this on my own I attempted to power through it but it became worse. I hid my feelings and started to close off. It wasn't until my partner encouraged me to seek a therapist and I started to vocalize with my peers what I was going through that I decided to seek help.
Seeking therapy was pretty huge. The idea of ever needing to seek mental health had never passed through my head. My family never had access to such resources and much less had actually gone to one. But I took advantage of my benefits from my day job and started attending sessions. It wasn't hard to open and soon enough I was walking away feeling relieved. As we worked through my pain points. I was able to isolate behaviors that were affecting me and started to figure out ways to deal with my mental blocks.
I find myself in a better place now, I'm still working on myself but I feel good. I'm doing work for myself again without worrying about the likes, doing gigs here and there, holding it down at the day job, loving my partner, and ultimately I'm loving me and am embracing me as I am.
If you read this big thank you! And if you find yourself in need of help or need to chat feel free to slip into my dm. I'm not an expert but I'm down to help however I can.